Saturday, April 26, 2008
Trouble sleeping was written at 12:23 AM
Suprise, suprise, here I am unable to shut my eyes and just...snooze. I guess it's insomnia? But seriously, I watch tv, I eat dinner, I do my homework and I play ddr. Isn't that enough to shut my eyes and just sleep? I guess not. So anyway I was thinking... Am I nice? Fiqah the chef/enviromentalist said I'm not and honestly, haha I'm sad to hear that. Not sad te-boohoo boohoo but well, I'm just shocked. I can't stand it when people give me their puppy dog eyes when they want something 'cause I'll end up saying 'yes'; regardless, I put fallen books back on their racks when I come across them and I'm an easy target to be pushed around. I'd feel guilty over the littlest things and I... Hmm. I guess I'm pitiful. I mean, being easily pushed around is not being nice. Just plain, hard core stupid. I don't mind saying 'yeah', 'sure', 'ok tu', 'bah', 'yeah ok', 'manasaja', 'ok tungu' and 'nae.' It's just that realizing it now is sort of... pathetic. Huh. Then there's this kind of thought that I constantly have. For example: I'd think this girl is pretty and then I'd envy her. But when I think it further I'd go, 'is this envy or jealousy? Do I feel envy because I should be as it is the right thing to do? Is envy the right feeling I'm putting up? Am I a hipocrite to feel envy instead of jealousy because it's a way to feel? Is this my real feeling?' haha..Even I confuse myself and that example did happen. So these thoughts occupy most of my time when I have nothing to do, such as now. Will I one day put an end to it? I hope so, one day.*yawn* I hope I snore this time.
You got me XOXO,
Wedah